Power

Honestly,

There's a definition for Power. I can go to google, type it in, and a generated answer appears before me. A definition. But I'm a sucker for being creative. So I'm going to go ahead and define what I think power is. Let's just say, I saw a movie just now called, "Beautiful Creatures" and I am over the moon (spoiler? hehehe) inspired.


Power for me is an abstract. It has it's real meaning, which holds true. But for me I look at it and I try to shape it, reflect, and put it to personal use.

Power is within us, as much as it is universal, cultural, apart of our history, and connected to ideas, meaning, and human nature. It is the thing within us, other then our metaphorical heart, and mind that is a driving force. It's will power, it's self power, it's physical, emotional, psychological...power.

Often our power can be manipulated. It can be taken away. And well it happens to bring out the worst in people. It is seen with negative intentions because people let it become dark. Power has created so many issues, hurt so many people, driven people mad hungry over it, but when they have it...use it to destroy others. Use this type of power to be that guy at the party who's has that attitude that his dick is bigger then everyone's parts in the room.  Even girls private parts. He wants everyone to know that he's tough shit. When really...he hides behind that attitude because he has insecurities he doesn't know where to start to, even deal with them. There's a scared boy who looks like a man but hides behind his power. Hides behind that thing that makes him seem like a dick. He acts like a dick because it's a pattern. And maybe he gave up trying to find who he really is....


or maybe he's just a dick.

Everyone has power. And it's that thing that makes you stand up for yourself. It's that energy, the vibe, the mentality that drives you to work. You have authority, you obey authority and respect it.  Power teaches you to stay positive. Even if you are at your lowest. It says, don't give up. It's that second after you think about killing yourself, that says, "that was stupid, I don't want to die." You don't want to die. You want to live until you see your grandkids and maybe their grandkids. And that's power. That's what makes you motivated to finish that essay you've been putting off. You know that at the end of the school year, you will get that degree or whatever you just accomplished. You did it. All on your own.

Power is positive.


It's that moment after you tell someone you love them. It's that second or two where you feel like you can do anything. You are Batman right now. Alfred nodded at you and smiled. And cat woman is seated directly in front of you. And you are alive. You don't fear a thing. But fear comes and decides it can take things away from you. It causes you to do things, say things, act a certain way, and often it causes you heartbreak. Well fuck fear! Don't let it hold you back! That's power. That voice saying, I'm amazing and beautiful. You don't need a girlfriend or boyfriend to make you happy. YOU make yourself happy. YOU are the reason people smile when they see you. Want to be around YOU. Because you have that spark inside you that is powerful. It can save the world. YOU are BATMAN.

Power is passion and dreaming and taking risks. It's knowing you will make a mistake. But it's knowing you can make it better or that you will evolve. You will grow, love, and feel an emotional roller coaster. But it's all worth it at the end of the day because tomorrow is coming. Even if it isn't coming. You can feel it. And that's power.

You are loved. Love is power given to you and it's your job to spread it out to as many loved ones as you can. Power makes you think. It can be tricky, dark and twisty. But if you are hungy for the right kind of power. It rewards you. It has rewarded me with an eye opening experience and is the reason for these words of wisdom.

Power is war. A war against everything. Every conflict you can think of in a book. Yourself, others, religion, sex, the world, etc. And you win the war. By being yourself. And keeping one foot in front of the other, even if you have to army crawl. YOU know. YOU just know. YOU are powerful. YOU are meaningful and you matter to everyone around you. And knowing. And knowledge of power....will make you strong. Make you believe. And you should believe in yourself.

Start with knowing...power is a spider web placed in the middle of it. And everything connected to you, vibrates when you move. YOU are that important. YOU catch your prey, you savour every bite, you are grateful, lucky, and deserve it. You deserve power.


But with every power you hold comes great responsibility

( see what I did there)


Be safe on this lovely friday.
I expect you use your powers for good.
If not.
No ones perfect.
But don't hurt anyone.

Be nice.
Smile.
Life is a chapter that ends and then begins.

Tomorrow is coming !

YOU ARE POWER !

Dancer for life.

Honestly,

Help a chick out ?


This is my channel on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/user/somewhereoutthere007

This is my gifts to you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykxjvu3a3yM

#Brittswish

7 days until I'm 22

6 days until my one week trip to Lake Louise, Alberta.

SO FREAKING EXCITED

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OH EM GEEEEEEEEEE !

On a serious note.


All I ask is you share my dance videos as much as possible. I'm trying to get Justin Bieber's attention. So he can meet Brit who suffers from spina bifidia. She's 16. It's her dieing wish for JB to say hi to her. But I want to get them in the same room.

And since we are being honest. BE NICE. I'm in no way a professional dancer. And my videos are all freestyle. Moves you would probably see at the club if you were dancing beside me.

I put a lot of love into these videos. All I want is positivity, a nap, video views, video shares, love, water, and to make this girls dream come true. Out of everything I want her dream to come true SO SO BAD. I'm legit willing to embarrass myself to do it. NO effin ducks  (see what i did there? Trying to keep it PG) are given though.


thank you for taking the time out to read this today!

Enjoy!

Love,

-Shan

Stay Beauts.

Why?

Honestly?

Why?

Why do I got to be so weird sometimes? I mean, I've embraced it. I love who I am, all that jazz, and shitting rainbows.

But seriously?

When it comes to attractive dudes who I'm interested in. I just get weird.

Like tonight, I asked a guy if he wanted to hang out. BUT NO ! I had to go in this hugeeeeeeeeeee weirddddddddddddd ranttttttttttt. Why Shannon? He legit thinks you are a crazy person? Why did you have to eat the last packet of dunkaroos? Why are you so hyper right now ? Why ?

Frankly, I'd also like to know...why you are with someone...or sorry in an open relationship...with someone. Who you feel like....you have to keep him interested. And why are you venting on here and not him? HE'S ASLEEP! IT'S 2 AM in the morning you cray person!



I got my period today.

That's why.

But usually...I am weird. And thanks to the new episode of "Suits" tonight. It caused me to over think. I had to get into a debate with a guy I used to like, over what could happen next with the show. Key word: used to like. I crushed on this guy so hard. Correction: I crushed hard on a lot of guys over the span of about 4 months. And none of it has gone well.

One guy I met through this chat site i've been pretty much a regular on for 4 years. He liked me for awhile and I was oblivious until he came clean. I always had a tiny thing for him but I just assumed he wasn't into me. He has admitted he is emotionally awkward...so...I only found that out, when he told me, once we started really talking. Then I really liked him. Then some unfortunate news on his end and I had to kinda get over him. He made me realize a few things. I was crushed for awhile. And ya I cried over it. Hormones, happen. And it sucks. On the flip side we're still great friends. He may come visit canada or may not. But that's huge. It's a huge deal cause he was so against visiting Canada since he's not from here. I'm keeping him a mystery because if he reads this one day. I'm sure he will figure out that this part is about him. And I'm sure he would be sooooo sooo pissed if I mentioned anything more. Or hinting at, or revealing his true identity. He has a trust issues with the internet, which I get. And I'm super careful. ANYWAYS! We skyped the other night. I want things he doesn't want. I'm a risk taker. I'd go see him in a heart beat. If only he'd do the same. Honestly, never know with this one.


And then there's the open relationship guy. How come I feel like I have to keep him interested? And the fact that he's ADD HD is not an excuse. And it's not the reason either. It's this insecurity I have within myself that's saying...."he's going to get bored of you and find someone else who will keep him more interested." And I know he likes me. I know he doesn't want a monogamist relationship. And to be honest, things are great between us. Better then they ever have been. And now I wonder...just...ponder. Why I feel this way? And what should I do about it? Other then mention this to him. Maybe he can put my mind to ease? Maybe I will end things with us? But I don't want to. I like things the way they are. But do I really? Do I really? If I feel this way? I guess I need reinsurance. I guess I like attention and really I just want him to tell me why he likes me? And then I think....you sound like the old Shannon who cared about little ity bity things that she can't control. So my conclusion, still is...why? But the answer is nothing.

That question can't be answered. It's supposed to make you think. And often it makes you over think. Which lead me to venting it all out on my blog. Maybe ADD  guy and I ...just aren't meant to be. Maybe I'm punching shadows? Maybe..well...I am over thinking. And yet if I continue to feel like I have to keep him interested so he won't find someone else. Maybe it isn't him. It's me. And if it's that. I should step back. Sometimes you gotta look out for number one. And I'm not about to strike out when I know a fast ball is coming.

And another thing. I ask out guys to hang out. It hasn't worked yet. I have really bad luck.

I asked this guy out, like for coffee or ice cream. He replied that he didnt do either. Then some where along the conversation he revealed a complicated relationship he's in. But he's been single for a month. Opps.

I asked this guy out tonight. Turns out he's in the process of dumping someone he's been seeing. Great.

I like a guy, on the internet, whom I've never shook hands with, and all I want to do is go over there and lay in his arms and stuff.

I go on a light date with a guy who I met at the bar. Turns out he was taking his sister to a Taylor Swift Concert. The same one my friend and I went to. So my friend offers to drive him and his sister home. Which we do. The whole time we're texting each other. He asks me out. We go to the beach and play our guitars. He even walked up to the door and met my parents. He even picked me up and drove me home. Why cant men be like that...all of them? Anyways, I wanted to kiss him. I was, and then I thought. He's going to camp to work. I stopped myself. But I did get a raincheck on ice cream from him. We some what keep in contact. But deep down I still want to kiss him. And I wish he wants to kiss me too. I also want to see him with his shirt off. Bless me for I have sinned ! Guilty as charged this guy is hot. And I want. But he's 3 hours away, and there's girls who are like two feet away from him at all times. He's a total catch.

I used to see this guy. Now we rarely talk. Think it's in the stinker.

This guys gave me his number. talked for a couple hours. then i figured out he knows my ex. And I mentioned it to him. And now its weird. Way to go Shan, smooth moves. So he made plans to cook me dinner. Now not a peep.

Used to see this guy from college. We still chat it up on face book. But he hates a chase. I'm a control freak how's this gonna work? DAMN YOU.

I wanted to make out with a friend of mine on saturday night. My other friend said to grab his face and do it. I got a good old rejection. Friendzoned.

friendzoned. friendzoned.

And guys wonder why us girls don't ask guys out. And now I know how it feels to be a guy when they ask out girls.

I'm gonna blame it on luck.

WHY!

demons

Honestly,

I sit here, on my bed, and I contemplate just about everything. However, there’s only one thing that I want to address. Bully.

I bullied myself. I was in high school, it was before I hit a meltdown and the beginning of a transformation.

I’m a people pleaser/ person, caregiver, giver, lover, fighter, etc. I’m that girl, in that friend group, that would break up a fight in a gas station. I’m that girl, in that friend group, that gets along, generally with everyone, I’m outgoing, life of the party, positive, listener, advise giver, I’m open, blunt at times, often has no shame, always says something embarrassing, no filter, and no I don’t pooh rainbows (if I did, puppies would be at the end of the rainbow and money to invest into college for my kids (when I have them)). You’d never know these things about me, but since I told you, it begs the question to as why I bullied myself in high school? 

I tried so so so... hard. I tried soooo hard for people to like me. For people to stay. For people to love me. And it wasn’t to love me for who I am. It was the front I was putting up. What I didn’t know is that people liked me for all the things I didn’t or wanted to changed or wished I was different. I was so blind to see that I’m amazing the way I am. The only person I wasn’t convincing was myself.

I make mistakes, I say the wrong thing, I do the wrong thing, I make bad decisions all the time. And I wasn’t a nice person to myself. So.. ya I bullied myself. I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep, wondering why i said this, or did this, or should of did this when I had the chance. Why I didn’t stand up for myself if someone teased me. Why didn’t I stand up for myself until just last year? Why did it take me so long to figure it out?

And then more questions? How could someone bully someone else? Is it because they were bullied? Is it because there isn’t enough being done? Not implying that no one is doing anything because a movement is happening.

I’m just thinking out-loud. I’m thinking, that if I continued to bully myself…if I would have bullied others? I mean, I did outcast myself for a couple years. I’m not sure if that affected my so called friends, cause I was mad at the world. Really they’ve been here the whole time, and still today. I then think, what if I turned into a mean person to deal with my insecurities? What if I turned to drugs? Got pregnant? Drank orange juice and vodka in my water bottle at school and ran away. Or tried to run away? What if I became a bully.

I know that my parent’s wouldn’t have any of that behavior. I’d probably be forced to see a shrink. And I know that the parents of bully’s must think I just judged them for their parenting skills. Maybe they don't even know their kid engages in bullying activities at school. I don’t think anyone is to blame for why someone becomes a bully, why someone bullies others, or why it happens all together. Maybe it’s to deal with something going on in a person? And there is so many ways to deal with conflict. It’s hard not to get stuck in habits or patterns or find the "easy" path. It’s easy to get stuck and lost if you don’t keep fighting that thing inside of you that isn’t ok. It’s ok, not to be ok. 

Crying is therapeutic. I did a lot of it. And don't even try to pull a fast one on me. I'm not sexist. Guys cry too. I wrote out everything in a journal. That was my go to. 

I wonder if I didn’t have a support system like I do, where I’d be? And then I think about the kids who don’t for whatever reason. I wonder, how society became so passive aggressive and apathetic? You know what? Bullies are victims to. Victims are victims. Teachers are victims. School boards are victims. I’m a victim. The list goes on for a school year. We all can point fingers and say who is  to blame. We can point to society. We can blame people for our problems. Or instead we can find new ways to help everyone. At the end of the day, WHAT or WHO, or anything is the cause of this? And i'm talking about digging under the surface here. Not just the family of the victim of bullying, but the family of the bully. Everyone is equal right? Everyone deserves love, kindness, respect, support, friendship, and hope.

Hope that one day, there will be solution. That there will be no kids taking their lives. That there will be less violence. I know it’s such a  “hypie “ thing to say or to believe. We’re so used to taking sides we forget we’re a community. We forget what it really means to be a friend.

 Someone who is there for you, when you are wrong, and when you are right. Someone who see’s you for who you are and loves you inside and out. Someone who would call you out on all your issues. Listen. Give advise and support. Treat you like family. Fight and make up. Disappoint you, and tell you “I hope the door hits your butt on the way out! It will snap you back into reality”…or something sweet like that.

I don’t know when it became "ok " or socially acceptable to call other people horrible names, and do horrible things to each other. By all means stand up for yourself and be heard. But why you gotta be so mean? Taylor Swift has it all right. Why would you be friends with someone, or stay with someone, or hang around people who don’t give two shits about you? Who treat you like shit? Walk all over you? Use you? Are they really what a friend is? Do they accept you. If not, you don’t need them.

I didn’t need that person I was. What I needed was a vacation. Thank you summer, right? Am I right? Suddenly it clicked that I wasn’t a good friend to myself. I gave myself a huge hug, did a lot of healing, got a lot of love, and let go of all that shit that thought it could bring me down and keep me there. When it lost, i won. Some where between braces, first love, heartbreak, and life…I changed. I became who I am today. I accept it and love it and will continue to be a better me.

I hope you can do the same for yourself.

I just hope that we don’t have to see anymore sadness.

I hope bullies find help.

I hope every type of victim of all kinds bullying find healing.

I hope I can offer enough love to feed children who aren’t.

It’s a sad world out there. I feel like there’s always shadows.

But there’s just as much light as there is shadows, and because of that...

I know tomorrow’s a better day.

I know I’m loved.

I know I’m strong and beautiful.

And a little bit crazy and weird.

I accept.

I accept the world and their flaws.

I will not accept a society that continues to hurt themselves.

That will change.

I believe it. 

Go on your own way

Honestly, 

I'm lying here, in your bed, in your arms, watching ice age, and feeling your warm breath down my neck. The calm breathing, the soft breathe, and the comfortability that comes natural with us. You are a good friend of mine. Who broke my heart after we dated for at least two weeks. And gave me a self help book on how to not be manipulated by others. On top of that I only wanted to learn the guitar because I thought it would keep you more interested if I was good at something you were. I found myself falling for you. I know I said it wasn't a real love. But then it was. I guess, I had to force myself to get over you. You were and are such an important person/ relationship in my life. It was like I grieved your death. Really, it was just the realization that we weren't really good for each other at that time. We both wanted different things. I was a mess. I have hit a couple lows since then, defiantly wasn't myself, and then everything changed. 

Here I am. Kissing you, making out like high school kids minus the parents walking in. Even though sometimes your sister does when she needs something, like for you to move your car. I'm laying there, ass out, boobs out, and yet I don't really care. I'm not embarrassed like I would have been two years ago when we first met. I'm way more independent then I use to be. I don't say things to you anymore just to agree with you. Often you ask how I feel and I have a honest answer. I'm an honest person, not just with others, but with myself. I do things for myself more then I ever had. I used to take better care of the ones I loved then about myself. I used to let people walk all over me, just so they would like me. I'm a different Shannon. I've cut ties with bad influences/ relationships. I've made and kept amazing relationships that I'll have around me for life. However, here you are and here I am. We're sharing a bed like we're a couple. You came for dinner a couple weeks ago and met my whole family. You handled that so well. We talked on the phone for a while last night and that was a first. Usually we hang out on the weekend and we don't hear from the other until the next weekend due to work schedules. And well both of us having individual lifes. But when we are together, we'd hold hands when we go on a walk, we go to the movies, we talk and talk and talk, we laugh, and play the "bop" game by trying to touch the other persons nose last. I trust you. It was hard to get to that point cause I was so hurt. I didnt think we'd ever be good friends again, let alone, turn over just now and see you smiling at me. I get excited to see you, driving over, meeting up with you, getting a text, or a phone call to join your bon fire parties. You keep me happy. You're someone I know I'll have a good time with, but we could end up anywhere and it'd still be awesome. 

And yet some things haven't changed. It stings over thinking things in our relationship. The fact that we're so open, that we know who the other person likes, and how many. I know you will get bored and eventually you'll sleep with someone else or I will. Obviously practice safe sex. I know that I can't rely on you heavily because its a turn off for you. I know that there's a possibility that I'm not the one. Cause well...you want an open relationship, with kids/ family, and don't even know if you'll get married, Or be monogamist with one person. Which is ok, I don't judge you for your choices. I have insecurities that I'm working on and so do you. That's why it's freaking scary being with you sometimes. You already hurt me. And I know you're trying to protect me and I know you've been a better partner in this then two years ago. Mainly because you're not only doing it for yourself you want this with me. Sometimes it stings thinking about the fact that I'm not your dream girl. There's things that I'm not emotionally ready for but you want. And i don't know if i can do everything you want. Then I worry I'm going to fall in love with you again and it will be too much for you. Then I wonder if you'll ever love me the way I have. If one day I'll have to move on completely from you. And I know this is kinda crazy talk. But it's legit. Maybe one day I wont want to share you anymore. However, despite all this....

Everything feels right between us. we got the perfect set up of a relationship, plus you're my good friend, plus you like me, plus we're in great phases in our lives, plus we have amazing communication, trust, honesty, care, passion, and we keep each other on our toes. But i know that if i were in trouble you'd be there. I know you care. Which you didnt before.  Maybe only because I really liked you a lot and you didnt feel the same way. Or was in the same page as me. Now that we kinda are a bit, it just clicks. 

I'm edging my nose into the side of your face and you smell like....well you. You're hot body, and temperature wise body keeping me warm. That I have someone to wake up to in the morning and gives me more then enough attention. I don't know how girls have overlooked you before me. It's just silly to think that it's possible not to love you cause it's hard not too. I'm not quite sure you're my life partner either. I'm not sure really where we are going but I know that in this moment I'm loving every second. An open relationship is such a kick in the ass to society. You open my mind to possibilities and new things. To being a better person and a leader. To following my heart and keeping a good attitude. To know that no matter what you'll be apart of my life even if we aren't together. Even if we aren't friends. I got you now. I guess let's just see what happens. 


Right now I'm gonna kiss you again. And keep smiling for 20 more minutes after that.
Then I'll be on my way. 

Open at the seams

Honestly,

Open at the seams. 

I’m into you.

You already knew.

Try new things,

Just too scared.

Reality,

Because sharing,

 Is kinda all I ever do.

You jump at,

Every opportunity you get.

Can I stay consistent?

The unknown is,

A tad scary.

I want to show you,

How,

I’m being open.

With you.

You can trust,

It won’t be easy.

Things will get mean.

Believe me.

I know what,

It means be near you.

Honestly,

We’ve been down something like this before.

Everything has changed.

Nothing is ever normal.

It’s ok to explore.

I’m happy with,

The infinity circle.

Two things linked,

But not really touching.

Yet in all senses,

Are grounded.

Close.

Like mirroring each other’s actions.

Although,

Keeping us on quick,

On our  toes.

Passion ignites the fire.

It’s always been,

Me vs society.

Sometimes even,

Myself against I.

This time,

Maybe?

Can we battle,

Our fears and insecurities,

 Together?

I’m better today then I was,

Yesterday.

Understood,

The risk.

Kissed your,

Tasty lips.

All that ever matters are,

These moments.

Chances,

Possibly milestones.

The scientific,

Memorable fact.

Your walkin beside me.

Doin the same thing.

Is pretty,

Freaking,

Great.

Friendship,

Always kept us.

Level headed.

We got each other’s back.

It’s real.

We’ll fight.

I’ll cry and over analyze.

Apologize.

Make up.

You’ll probably,

Get bored.

I won’t give up.

Cause I’ll Try to beat you,

 at your best.

Maybe I’m a tad crazy?

Just a little fucked up.

Aren’t we all?

I rely on the notion that,

If we just lay here for

A little longer.

Talk a little deeper.

Tell each other,

Random thoughts.

Down to giggling over,

Split beer.

Battle shits.

Laugh until it hurts.

Cry and create,

Music.

that actually,

Means something.

Maybe aliens do exsist?

Love isn’t restricted.

The underlining,

Concept and knowledge,

Of our feelings.

Is this.

You got a reserved

Parking spot.

In my soul.

That’s just the way it is.

And I’m ok.

The last time I wrote,

Something sorta like this.

We broke up.

Even now.

You’re still my bud.

With the extra thud,

Under the sheets.

You have a place,

Where you put in all you got.

Experience all you can.

Travel all you want.

When you leave,

 my heart won’t be empty.

It’ll be filled like boxes,

In your closet.

It’s just a waiting game,

bliss.

What’s next?

You always challenge me,

And keep me calm.

Wonder haunts me.

Even though I,

Don’t really mind.

it’s right.

Now.

 Is all we got.

Come.

Hit, hit, hit,

that spot.

_________________________

Tramp is back. 

more on who "tramp" is after some well needed sleep. 

Get some! 

Happy Canada Day. 

Proud to call myself Canadian. 

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