I'm lying here, in your bed, in your arms, watching ice age, and feeling your warm breath down my neck. The calm breathing, the soft breathe, and the comfortability that comes natural with us. You are a good friend of mine. Who broke my heart after we dated for at least two weeks. And gave me a self help book on how to not be manipulated by others. On top of that I only wanted to learn the guitar because I thought it would keep you more interested if I was good at something you were. I found myself falling for you. I know I said it wasn't a real love. But then it was. I guess, I had to force myself to get over you. You were and are such an important person/ relationship in my life. It was like I grieved your death. Really, it was just the realization that we weren't really good for each other at that time. We both wanted different things. I was a mess. I have hit a couple lows since then, defiantly wasn't myself, and then everything changed.
Here I am. Kissing you, making out like high school kids minus the parents walking in. Even though sometimes your sister does when she needs something, like for you to move your car. I'm laying there, ass out, boobs out, and yet I don't really care. I'm not embarrassed like I would have been two years ago when we first met. I'm way more independent then I use to be. I don't say things to you anymore just to agree with you. Often you ask how I feel and I have a honest answer. I'm an honest person, not just with others, but with myself. I do things for myself more then I ever had. I used to take better care of the ones I loved then about myself. I used to let people walk all over me, just so they would like me. I'm a different Shannon. I've cut ties with bad influences/ relationships. I've made and kept amazing relationships that I'll have around me for life. However, here you are and here I am. We're sharing a bed like we're a couple. You came for dinner a couple weeks ago and met my whole family. You handled that so well. We talked on the phone for a while last night and that was a first. Usually we hang out on the weekend and we don't hear from the other until the next weekend due to work schedules. And well both of us having individual lifes. But when we are together, we'd hold hands when we go on a walk, we go to the movies, we talk and talk and talk, we laugh, and play the "bop" game by trying to touch the other persons nose last. I trust you. It was hard to get to that point cause I was so hurt. I didnt think we'd ever be good friends again, let alone, turn over just now and see you smiling at me. I get excited to see you, driving over, meeting up with you, getting a text, or a phone call to join your bon fire parties. You keep me happy. You're someone I know I'll have a good time with, but we could end up anywhere and it'd still be awesome.
And yet some things haven't changed. It stings over thinking things in our relationship. The fact that we're so open, that we know who the other person likes, and how many. I know you will get bored and eventually you'll sleep with someone else or I will. Obviously practice safe sex. I know that I can't rely on you heavily because its a turn off for you. I know that there's a possibility that I'm not the one. Cause well...you want an open relationship, with kids/ family, and don't even know if you'll get married, Or be monogamist with one person. Which is ok, I don't judge you for your choices. I have insecurities that I'm working on and so do you. That's why it's freaking scary being with you sometimes. You already hurt me. And I know you're trying to protect me and I know you've been a better partner in this then two years ago. Mainly because you're not only doing it for yourself you want this with me. Sometimes it stings thinking about the fact that I'm not your dream girl. There's things that I'm not emotionally ready for but you want. And i don't know if i can do everything you want. Then I worry I'm going to fall in love with you again and it will be too much for you. Then I wonder if you'll ever love me the way I have. If one day I'll have to move on completely from you. And I know this is kinda crazy talk. But it's legit. Maybe one day I wont want to share you anymore. However, despite all this....
Everything feels right between us. we got the perfect set up of a relationship, plus you're my good friend, plus you like me, plus we're in great phases in our lives, plus we have amazing communication, trust, honesty, care, passion, and we keep each other on our toes. But i know that if i were in trouble you'd be there. I know you care. Which you didnt before. Maybe only because I really liked you a lot and you didnt feel the same way. Or was in the same page as me. Now that we kinda are a bit, it just clicks.
I'm edging my nose into the side of your face and you smell like....well you. You're hot body, and temperature wise body keeping me warm. That I have someone to wake up to in the morning and gives me more then enough attention. I don't know how girls have overlooked you before me. It's just silly to think that it's possible not to love you cause it's hard not too. I'm not quite sure you're my life partner either. I'm not sure really where we are going but I know that in this moment I'm loving every second. An open relationship is such a kick in the ass to society. You open my mind to possibilities and new things. To being a better person and a leader. To following my heart and keeping a good attitude. To know that no matter what you'll be apart of my life even if we aren't together. Even if we aren't friends. I got you now. I guess let's just see what happens.
Right now I'm gonna kiss you again. And keep smiling for 20 more minutes after that.
Then I'll be on my way.
Here I am. Kissing you, making out like high school kids minus the parents walking in. Even though sometimes your sister does when she needs something, like for you to move your car. I'm laying there, ass out, boobs out, and yet I don't really care. I'm not embarrassed like I would have been two years ago when we first met. I'm way more independent then I use to be. I don't say things to you anymore just to agree with you. Often you ask how I feel and I have a honest answer. I'm an honest person, not just with others, but with myself. I do things for myself more then I ever had. I used to take better care of the ones I loved then about myself. I used to let people walk all over me, just so they would like me. I'm a different Shannon. I've cut ties with bad influences/ relationships. I've made and kept amazing relationships that I'll have around me for life. However, here you are and here I am. We're sharing a bed like we're a couple. You came for dinner a couple weeks ago and met my whole family. You handled that so well. We talked on the phone for a while last night and that was a first. Usually we hang out on the weekend and we don't hear from the other until the next weekend due to work schedules. And well both of us having individual lifes. But when we are together, we'd hold hands when we go on a walk, we go to the movies, we talk and talk and talk, we laugh, and play the "bop" game by trying to touch the other persons nose last. I trust you. It was hard to get to that point cause I was so hurt. I didnt think we'd ever be good friends again, let alone, turn over just now and see you smiling at me. I get excited to see you, driving over, meeting up with you, getting a text, or a phone call to join your bon fire parties. You keep me happy. You're someone I know I'll have a good time with, but we could end up anywhere and it'd still be awesome.
And yet some things haven't changed. It stings over thinking things in our relationship. The fact that we're so open, that we know who the other person likes, and how many. I know you will get bored and eventually you'll sleep with someone else or I will. Obviously practice safe sex. I know that I can't rely on you heavily because its a turn off for you. I know that there's a possibility that I'm not the one. Cause well...you want an open relationship, with kids/ family, and don't even know if you'll get married, Or be monogamist with one person. Which is ok, I don't judge you for your choices. I have insecurities that I'm working on and so do you. That's why it's freaking scary being with you sometimes. You already hurt me. And I know you're trying to protect me and I know you've been a better partner in this then two years ago. Mainly because you're not only doing it for yourself you want this with me. Sometimes it stings thinking about the fact that I'm not your dream girl. There's things that I'm not emotionally ready for but you want. And i don't know if i can do everything you want. Then I worry I'm going to fall in love with you again and it will be too much for you. Then I wonder if you'll ever love me the way I have. If one day I'll have to move on completely from you. And I know this is kinda crazy talk. But it's legit. Maybe one day I wont want to share you anymore. However, despite all this....
Everything feels right between us. we got the perfect set up of a relationship, plus you're my good friend, plus you like me, plus we're in great phases in our lives, plus we have amazing communication, trust, honesty, care, passion, and we keep each other on our toes. But i know that if i were in trouble you'd be there. I know you care. Which you didnt before. Maybe only because I really liked you a lot and you didnt feel the same way. Or was in the same page as me. Now that we kinda are a bit, it just clicks.
I'm edging my nose into the side of your face and you smell like....well you. You're hot body, and temperature wise body keeping me warm. That I have someone to wake up to in the morning and gives me more then enough attention. I don't know how girls have overlooked you before me. It's just silly to think that it's possible not to love you cause it's hard not too. I'm not quite sure you're my life partner either. I'm not sure really where we are going but I know that in this moment I'm loving every second. An open relationship is such a kick in the ass to society. You open my mind to possibilities and new things. To being a better person and a leader. To following my heart and keeping a good attitude. To know that no matter what you'll be apart of my life even if we aren't together. Even if we aren't friends. I got you now. I guess let's just see what happens.
Right now I'm gonna kiss you again. And keep smiling for 20 more minutes after that.
Then I'll be on my way.
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