Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Why?

Honestly?

Why?

Why do I got to be so weird sometimes? I mean, I've embraced it. I love who I am, all that jazz, and shitting rainbows.

But seriously?

When it comes to attractive dudes who I'm interested in. I just get weird.

Like tonight, I asked a guy if he wanted to hang out. BUT NO ! I had to go in this hugeeeeeeeeeee weirddddddddddddd ranttttttttttt. Why Shannon? He legit thinks you are a crazy person? Why did you have to eat the last packet of dunkaroos? Why are you so hyper right now ? Why ?

Frankly, I'd also like to know...why you are with someone...or sorry in an open relationship...with someone. Who you feel like....you have to keep him interested. And why are you venting on here and not him? HE'S ASLEEP! IT'S 2 AM in the morning you cray person!



I got my period today.

That's why.

But usually...I am weird. And thanks to the new episode of "Suits" tonight. It caused me to over think. I had to get into a debate with a guy I used to like, over what could happen next with the show. Key word: used to like. I crushed on this guy so hard. Correction: I crushed hard on a lot of guys over the span of about 4 months. And none of it has gone well.

One guy I met through this chat site i've been pretty much a regular on for 4 years. He liked me for awhile and I was oblivious until he came clean. I always had a tiny thing for him but I just assumed he wasn't into me. He has admitted he is emotionally awkward...so...I only found that out, when he told me, once we started really talking. Then I really liked him. Then some unfortunate news on his end and I had to kinda get over him. He made me realize a few things. I was crushed for awhile. And ya I cried over it. Hormones, happen. And it sucks. On the flip side we're still great friends. He may come visit canada or may not. But that's huge. It's a huge deal cause he was so against visiting Canada since he's not from here. I'm keeping him a mystery because if he reads this one day. I'm sure he will figure out that this part is about him. And I'm sure he would be sooooo sooo pissed if I mentioned anything more. Or hinting at, or revealing his true identity. He has a trust issues with the internet, which I get. And I'm super careful. ANYWAYS! We skyped the other night. I want things he doesn't want. I'm a risk taker. I'd go see him in a heart beat. If only he'd do the same. Honestly, never know with this one.


And then there's the open relationship guy. How come I feel like I have to keep him interested? And the fact that he's ADD HD is not an excuse. And it's not the reason either. It's this insecurity I have within myself that's saying...."he's going to get bored of you and find someone else who will keep him more interested." And I know he likes me. I know he doesn't want a monogamist relationship. And to be honest, things are great between us. Better then they ever have been. And now I wonder...just...ponder. Why I feel this way? And what should I do about it? Other then mention this to him. Maybe he can put my mind to ease? Maybe I will end things with us? But I don't want to. I like things the way they are. But do I really? Do I really? If I feel this way? I guess I need reinsurance. I guess I like attention and really I just want him to tell me why he likes me? And then I think....you sound like the old Shannon who cared about little ity bity things that she can't control. So my conclusion, still is...why? But the answer is nothing.

That question can't be answered. It's supposed to make you think. And often it makes you over think. Which lead me to venting it all out on my blog. Maybe ADD  guy and I ...just aren't meant to be. Maybe I'm punching shadows? Maybe..well...I am over thinking. And yet if I continue to feel like I have to keep him interested so he won't find someone else. Maybe it isn't him. It's me. And if it's that. I should step back. Sometimes you gotta look out for number one. And I'm not about to strike out when I know a fast ball is coming.

And another thing. I ask out guys to hang out. It hasn't worked yet. I have really bad luck.

I asked this guy out, like for coffee or ice cream. He replied that he didnt do either. Then some where along the conversation he revealed a complicated relationship he's in. But he's been single for a month. Opps.

I asked this guy out tonight. Turns out he's in the process of dumping someone he's been seeing. Great.

I like a guy, on the internet, whom I've never shook hands with, and all I want to do is go over there and lay in his arms and stuff.

I go on a light date with a guy who I met at the bar. Turns out he was taking his sister to a Taylor Swift Concert. The same one my friend and I went to. So my friend offers to drive him and his sister home. Which we do. The whole time we're texting each other. He asks me out. We go to the beach and play our guitars. He even walked up to the door and met my parents. He even picked me up and drove me home. Why cant men be like that...all of them? Anyways, I wanted to kiss him. I was, and then I thought. He's going to camp to work. I stopped myself. But I did get a raincheck on ice cream from him. We some what keep in contact. But deep down I still want to kiss him. And I wish he wants to kiss me too. I also want to see him with his shirt off. Bless me for I have sinned ! Guilty as charged this guy is hot. And I want. But he's 3 hours away, and there's girls who are like two feet away from him at all times. He's a total catch.

I used to see this guy. Now we rarely talk. Think it's in the stinker.

This guys gave me his number. talked for a couple hours. then i figured out he knows my ex. And I mentioned it to him. And now its weird. Way to go Shan, smooth moves. So he made plans to cook me dinner. Now not a peep.

Used to see this guy from college. We still chat it up on face book. But he hates a chase. I'm a control freak how's this gonna work? DAMN YOU.

I wanted to make out with a friend of mine on saturday night. My other friend said to grab his face and do it. I got a good old rejection. Friendzoned.

friendzoned. friendzoned.

And guys wonder why us girls don't ask guys out. And now I know how it feels to be a guy when they ask out girls.

I'm gonna blame it on luck.

WHY!

No comments: