Honestly,
You know those bucket lists that people come up with? They make it a life mission to do those things on their list before they die. And I am sure that we all somehow in our own way have a list like that. If not...no big deal. What I am trying to say is that...I kinda have one. It stays in my head though. Here and there I think of ways where I can make these little dreams come true. And whilst sitting in bed, one very late night...I came up with an idea. ( I may or may not have mentioned this in my very first blog so bare with me)
I have a good friend of mine whom has a niece that has spinia bifida. It is her wish to meet Justin Bieber.
So I was sitting in bed...thinking about how I could help. How could I. Well. Justin can dance. I am....well I can dance at a club. I love music. I can not sing for the life of me. So what do I do...
I go down to my basement, set up my speakers that my iPhone sits on, set up my laptop and click on the application photobooth. Then I represent canada and my love for hockey by putting a couple hockey jeresys hanging off bar chairs. I start to dance.
I do not number my internal bucket list but I know what it would be called.
Make a persons dream come true.
And here is what I did:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0NIqzGdfz0
and....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1HtKv2VYE0
and then...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ckaj8oiKVPw
Recently, I made a `Born this way`Lady Gaga tribute video. But i broke the clicker on my macbook. I need to look at it again. Maybe i`ll upload it.
It`s all for this girl. This person who has one wish. And I`m determined to help. Through this goal I have also learned a lot about myself. Don`t give up on things you care about. Sometimes, people`s dreams become yours. And it feels good with every little small or big accomplishment along the way. I know I`m not a world famous dancer. I don`t care about that. I have a passion for music, dancing, and creating. If I have to put myself out there in front of the world. I will. This girl deserves it. Not because there are many like her out there battling the same sickness. But because she is my dream. And in one way or another...it will come true. I celebrate the small things. This blog almost reaching one thousand views, one of my dance videos reaching two thousand views, and my twitter followers, my friends who know what I`m doing. Lastly, I celebrate myself. That I can sit here, type my thoughts out, and be heard. Hey...haters are going to hate. But I know I got my little communities that make up one big cyber family. Which leads me to know. Nothing. Can. Bring. Me. Down.
paws up.
And Have a great Easter weekend! Eat lots of chocolate for me....cause...i`m on strict orders to eat soft things because of my surgery and stitches. Yaa get it.
Stay beauts!
Enjoy the videos.
And an ovewhelming thank you to you all ! Including the haters. Love you too :)
Lots of love and support coming your way Britt! We can do this !
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Sleeping beauty.
Honestly,
If you've been following along you'd know I get work done for my teeth. yesterday, I went into surgery for more teeth implants and bone grafts on the bottom. So I've been on pain Meds and antibiotics ect.
But over all sleep. Which is nice.
However I'm bored as hell and writing in my little black journal only does so much. On the other hand, I'm not in much pain. Really. High pain tolerance is a gift.
When i was waking up from surgery i could hear the nurses call me sleeping beauty and a trooper. this would be my 5th surgery. Although ,its minor and i walk out of the ortho surgeons office the same day. At the end of the day its still surgery. And the worst is over.
August 5th some summers ago I had jaw surgery. They re set my top and bottom jaws. I had an underbite class 3. At that time I had braces to straighten things out and make room for teeth implants. they also took out baby teeth. Anyways i remember this next bit as clear as day.
I was waking up and i could feel the breathing tube down my throat. I hated that feeling. Scratchy throat. And it hurt. My mom and dad came into the ICU. And a big fat tear rolled down my face. I tried to get the tube out of my mouth but then the nurse came in and everything went black. I woke up and my mom and dad were still there. But I had restraints on. Guess I wanted the tube out. And the nurse did take it out. Recovery for that surgery sucked. However im allergic to codine in t3s so i got morphine. that was....fun. But my close friend and her sister came to visit, which was awesome. And I drooled a lot. Ate my liquid food from a syringe cause my teeth were wired shut as together. Well it was like a hard plastic thing that attached to my brace and attached to the bottom brace. There was enough room to fit the syringe in between to eat. There was a little plastic tube that went on the syringe. When I laughed my brother called me chewbaca or chewy for short. Good times.
So this recovery in going through is like eating cake. Which I want so bad.
I get to eat jello, ice cream, scrambled eggs, soup, smoothies etc. who doesn't love that stuff... Oh... Maybe some people do. Oh well.
I look like a chipmunk. It's hilarious. I can't really talk or laugh and I want to so bad!!!so my good friend of 15 plus years of friendship is comin over. Shea's a doll. Sister from another mister.
Thank you science my pain Meds are kickin in
I'm going to be all cat women now and MIA. But I'll be back. When I'm healed up.
As for my parents. Seems like therapy is working. I mean nothing's perfect. They hit bumps in the road but both of them are trying. They really do love each other. when their marriage is at a healthier stage. Im gonna thank my dad for trying. for working at their marriage and being there for the whole family.
Other then the obvious stated above. Life is good. I got a great boyfriend. And my work is looking for a full time support worker for one of the children in the center. I've worked with her before and I have experience. So I think it's a job i would do well in. yup. Pain Meds. Magnifies. Happiness X 372727272.
Take it easy !
If you've been following along you'd know I get work done for my teeth. yesterday, I went into surgery for more teeth implants and bone grafts on the bottom. So I've been on pain Meds and antibiotics ect.
But over all sleep. Which is nice.
However I'm bored as hell and writing in my little black journal only does so much. On the other hand, I'm not in much pain. Really. High pain tolerance is a gift.
When i was waking up from surgery i could hear the nurses call me sleeping beauty and a trooper. this would be my 5th surgery. Although ,its minor and i walk out of the ortho surgeons office the same day. At the end of the day its still surgery. And the worst is over.
August 5th some summers ago I had jaw surgery. They re set my top and bottom jaws. I had an underbite class 3. At that time I had braces to straighten things out and make room for teeth implants. they also took out baby teeth. Anyways i remember this next bit as clear as day.
I was waking up and i could feel the breathing tube down my throat. I hated that feeling. Scratchy throat. And it hurt. My mom and dad came into the ICU. And a big fat tear rolled down my face. I tried to get the tube out of my mouth but then the nurse came in and everything went black. I woke up and my mom and dad were still there. But I had restraints on. Guess I wanted the tube out. And the nurse did take it out. Recovery for that surgery sucked. However im allergic to codine in t3s so i got morphine. that was....fun. But my close friend and her sister came to visit, which was awesome. And I drooled a lot. Ate my liquid food from a syringe cause my teeth were wired shut as together. Well it was like a hard plastic thing that attached to my brace and attached to the bottom brace. There was enough room to fit the syringe in between to eat. There was a little plastic tube that went on the syringe. When I laughed my brother called me chewbaca or chewy for short. Good times.
So this recovery in going through is like eating cake. Which I want so bad.
I get to eat jello, ice cream, scrambled eggs, soup, smoothies etc. who doesn't love that stuff... Oh... Maybe some people do. Oh well.
I look like a chipmunk. It's hilarious. I can't really talk or laugh and I want to so bad!!!so my good friend of 15 plus years of friendship is comin over. Shea's a doll. Sister from another mister.
Thank you science my pain Meds are kickin in
I'm going to be all cat women now and MIA. But I'll be back. When I'm healed up.
As for my parents. Seems like therapy is working. I mean nothing's perfect. They hit bumps in the road but both of them are trying. They really do love each other. when their marriage is at a healthier stage. Im gonna thank my dad for trying. for working at their marriage and being there for the whole family.
Other then the obvious stated above. Life is good. I got a great boyfriend. And my work is looking for a full time support worker for one of the children in the center. I've worked with her before and I have experience. So I think it's a job i would do well in. yup. Pain Meds. Magnifies. Happiness X 372727272.
Take it easy !
Friday, March 15, 2013
shelf life
Honestly,
My relationship with my books on my shelf are like one night stands. I read them and put them on my book shelf. Sometimes, but rarely, I go back to read them. Only if, I know there's a motion picture coming out about it. Even then, I don't read the whole thing, but parts I think are important and don't want to forget. Also, it makes it easier to harshly critize movies based on best sellers. Like,``The Twilight Series`` because everyone critizes it.
And just to be clear. I appreciate a good book. ``Twilight`` was good, grammer errors or not. By all means disagree with me. But fact is, I couldn`t put it down. That means something. So if that makes me loose cool points. I make it up with this; ``50 shades of Grey``...makes up for it. Even then, I only read the sex scenes. But really, Stephanie Meyer has made it big, haters or supporters could agree. She even has a new book and new movie coming out. And a new series out on book shelves. Oh and the author who wrote ``50 shades of Grey`` she has a movie coming out based on the book as well. Harry Potter fans no what I`m talking about here. Emma as innocent as she was, now the front runner for being cast as the main protaganist. EPIC!
And there should also be something said for poorly written books making it big. How...unfair and cruel it is for authors trying to do the same thing, whom haven`t caught their break. But with actual substance to their work. Origonality, isn`t easy to come by. Once you get it, you go with that. And getting someone to publish your work, that`s up to their standards. I can imagine how hard that must be. I find it interesting how franchises come out of books, movies, etc. Why does everything have to have a social branding. This generation outside sources tell people whats cool and whats not. What`s good or terrible. For crying out loud! Let us have our own voice! And a pro about book shopping is this, no one can tell you what book you should by, even if you ask for help, it`s your choice in the end. Why can`t it be like that. How come everything has to be made into a movie. And I say that wishing one day it would happen to me. But a girl can dream. You know what. I`d love to do an double blind experiment with books that have only the title on them and books that they sell now. I`d love to know the outcome to that. Ugh, enough of that rant.
Books and I have a bond that will never break. As soon as I see one I immediatly imprint on it. If the cover is artistically crafty, the summary on the back is refreshing, and how many critics raved about it. I enjoy my teen fiction authors: Sarah Dessen, Emily Griffin, Jodi Picoult, J.K Rowling, Meg Cabot, etc. I'm aware the ones I listed aren't in the teen fiction category. And there's lots of authors I enjoy.
I tried to stray away from the predictable love stories. But why change what you love? Other then my collection being a bin full of kids books that I will one day, use as resources for teaching. I have books from highschool and grade eight. The classics: "To Kill A Mocking Bird", "The Chrysalids", "The Pigman", etc. To text books from college such as my psychology 101 text. And no I don't think I'm a psychologist because I took one course on it. My head isn't that far up my arse.
Maybe that's why I'm fasinated with writing novels like the genre I can't seem to put down, and move on from (question mark won`t work on this keyboard "/%%?&&"!!!). Well, lately I've been getting into the sci-fi/ fantasy/ teen fiction relm. But there has to be some sort of love plot there. And in the past I`ve gotten into some dark and twisted books. There`s only one book I could put down and let it collect dust, and I can`t even remember the name of it.
Lately, I haven`t been writing anything but journal enteries, blogs, poems, and lyrics. I started writing a new novel, but that flat lined before I got to the fourth chapter. Life caught up and said,``NO!``while slapping the top of my hand. All I want to do is complete my dream of one day publishing a novel. And if my all my favourite authors can...why can`t I. My only logical answer to this, is that I`m not working harder on my dream. I``m not pushing myself or challenging myself to pour myself into writing one. Distractions are an excuse. The only person I`m fooling is myself, saying I wouldn`t be good enough. And I know what I am capable of. At the end of the day, I believe I can do it. Also, not having enough time is bullshit. Somedays, when I`m not working that is, I sit at home on my bed and be super lazy. I have all the inspiration in the world. It just takes that one idea, that`s orgigonal, refreshing, and unique. When I get that, there`s no stoping me.
Sorry to go back to a point I made earlier. Branding. Social branding. Other people finding things acceptable. marketting and advertising the hell out of it until it is cool. Why the hell do people drink Coke if they know how bad it is for you. Why do people post personal things on facebook if they know that information is sold to companies for information and data collecting. Why do people tweet to strangers who theyve never met but by all their albums and go to their sold out concerts. why dont people read a god damn book anymore. Why.
Well we can`t go back to in time to history. Only push forward. I want to break cycles and break all the rules. I want to save lives. And books. And make a difference in the world. I want a world where people actually converse with each other then texting over a cell phone. And other then improvemants and invancements in technology. I`d also like to see Mental Health adressed and something done to support it. Not that it isn`t but it`s not enough. I don`t mind being greedy in the prospects of helping others. I want to read a good book that will make me think for days about it. That lets me escape into that made up world for just a moment. I want a movie that hasn`t been an adaptation of a book, or adaptation of a movie already made. I want social media to be about a mix of material and non materialistic things. That do good and influence the community in a positive way. I`d like to see funds be put into reasearch and all of it not a percentage. I want a motivational speaker who`s been a bully and been bullied. I want the generations to come to be self assertive, self confident and determined for a better today. I want them to come up with ways I`ve never thought of. Books I`d only dream to read about. That censorship will never exisit. Cancer will be cured. Medical advances science dreams about for the sick. That there won`t be or need to be gangs or drug lords. That violence is mediated before crisis. Or ebolished completely. That people can fall and love and marry whom ever they want. Gay, straight, lesibian, transgender, transexual, black, white, asian, oriental, native, american, russian etc, the list goes on for days. I want a Prime Minster and President that aren`t puppets to congress or parliment. It`s not always them that can`t keep promises. It`s usually the goverment that tells them what to do and how to do it. I wish they had their own voice. I wish we could protest and things would be done right. For crying out loud...I don`t see why we don`t support the people living in our own community. The homeless..the whoever, artists, musicians, students, etc. I want a world where war is the very last option out of many. That our troops could come home this year. I world that takes better care of it`s enviornment. Cigarettes that are actually great for your body. Or just have them never made ever again. A world where food doesn`t have any artifical anything in it. And even though hate and all those negative things that are in the world, will be around. There`s hope for humanity...there`s a better tomorrow awaiting us.
I just want a good god damn book. And a full life.
Get outside. Pay it forward. Love who you are.
My relationship with my books on my shelf are like one night stands. I read them and put them on my book shelf. Sometimes, but rarely, I go back to read them. Only if, I know there's a motion picture coming out about it. Even then, I don't read the whole thing, but parts I think are important and don't want to forget. Also, it makes it easier to harshly critize movies based on best sellers. Like,``The Twilight Series`` because everyone critizes it.
And just to be clear. I appreciate a good book. ``Twilight`` was good, grammer errors or not. By all means disagree with me. But fact is, I couldn`t put it down. That means something. So if that makes me loose cool points. I make it up with this; ``50 shades of Grey``...makes up for it. Even then, I only read the sex scenes. But really, Stephanie Meyer has made it big, haters or supporters could agree. She even has a new book and new movie coming out. And a new series out on book shelves. Oh and the author who wrote ``50 shades of Grey`` she has a movie coming out based on the book as well. Harry Potter fans no what I`m talking about here. Emma as innocent as she was, now the front runner for being cast as the main protaganist. EPIC!
And there should also be something said for poorly written books making it big. How...unfair and cruel it is for authors trying to do the same thing, whom haven`t caught their break. But with actual substance to their work. Origonality, isn`t easy to come by. Once you get it, you go with that. And getting someone to publish your work, that`s up to their standards. I can imagine how hard that must be. I find it interesting how franchises come out of books, movies, etc. Why does everything have to have a social branding. This generation outside sources tell people whats cool and whats not. What`s good or terrible. For crying out loud! Let us have our own voice! And a pro about book shopping is this, no one can tell you what book you should by, even if you ask for help, it`s your choice in the end. Why can`t it be like that. How come everything has to be made into a movie. And I say that wishing one day it would happen to me. But a girl can dream. You know what. I`d love to do an double blind experiment with books that have only the title on them and books that they sell now. I`d love to know the outcome to that. Ugh, enough of that rant.
Books and I have a bond that will never break. As soon as I see one I immediatly imprint on it. If the cover is artistically crafty, the summary on the back is refreshing, and how many critics raved about it. I enjoy my teen fiction authors: Sarah Dessen, Emily Griffin, Jodi Picoult, J.K Rowling, Meg Cabot, etc. I'm aware the ones I listed aren't in the teen fiction category. And there's lots of authors I enjoy.
I tried to stray away from the predictable love stories. But why change what you love? Other then my collection being a bin full of kids books that I will one day, use as resources for teaching. I have books from highschool and grade eight. The classics: "To Kill A Mocking Bird", "The Chrysalids", "The Pigman", etc. To text books from college such as my psychology 101 text. And no I don't think I'm a psychologist because I took one course on it. My head isn't that far up my arse.
Maybe that's why I'm fasinated with writing novels like the genre I can't seem to put down, and move on from (question mark won`t work on this keyboard "/%%?&&"!!!). Well, lately I've been getting into the sci-fi/ fantasy/ teen fiction relm. But there has to be some sort of love plot there. And in the past I`ve gotten into some dark and twisted books. There`s only one book I could put down and let it collect dust, and I can`t even remember the name of it.
Lately, I haven`t been writing anything but journal enteries, blogs, poems, and lyrics. I started writing a new novel, but that flat lined before I got to the fourth chapter. Life caught up and said,``NO!``while slapping the top of my hand. All I want to do is complete my dream of one day publishing a novel. And if my all my favourite authors can...why can`t I. My only logical answer to this, is that I`m not working harder on my dream. I``m not pushing myself or challenging myself to pour myself into writing one. Distractions are an excuse. The only person I`m fooling is myself, saying I wouldn`t be good enough. And I know what I am capable of. At the end of the day, I believe I can do it. Also, not having enough time is bullshit. Somedays, when I`m not working that is, I sit at home on my bed and be super lazy. I have all the inspiration in the world. It just takes that one idea, that`s orgigonal, refreshing, and unique. When I get that, there`s no stoping me.
Sorry to go back to a point I made earlier. Branding. Social branding. Other people finding things acceptable. marketting and advertising the hell out of it until it is cool. Why the hell do people drink Coke if they know how bad it is for you. Why do people post personal things on facebook if they know that information is sold to companies for information and data collecting. Why do people tweet to strangers who theyve never met but by all their albums and go to their sold out concerts. why dont people read a god damn book anymore. Why.
Well we can`t go back to in time to history. Only push forward. I want to break cycles and break all the rules. I want to save lives. And books. And make a difference in the world. I want a world where people actually converse with each other then texting over a cell phone. And other then improvemants and invancements in technology. I`d also like to see Mental Health adressed and something done to support it. Not that it isn`t but it`s not enough. I don`t mind being greedy in the prospects of helping others. I want to read a good book that will make me think for days about it. That lets me escape into that made up world for just a moment. I want a movie that hasn`t been an adaptation of a book, or adaptation of a movie already made. I want social media to be about a mix of material and non materialistic things. That do good and influence the community in a positive way. I`d like to see funds be put into reasearch and all of it not a percentage. I want a motivational speaker who`s been a bully and been bullied. I want the generations to come to be self assertive, self confident and determined for a better today. I want them to come up with ways I`ve never thought of. Books I`d only dream to read about. That censorship will never exisit. Cancer will be cured. Medical advances science dreams about for the sick. That there won`t be or need to be gangs or drug lords. That violence is mediated before crisis. Or ebolished completely. That people can fall and love and marry whom ever they want. Gay, straight, lesibian, transgender, transexual, black, white, asian, oriental, native, american, russian etc, the list goes on for days. I want a Prime Minster and President that aren`t puppets to congress or parliment. It`s not always them that can`t keep promises. It`s usually the goverment that tells them what to do and how to do it. I wish they had their own voice. I wish we could protest and things would be done right. For crying out loud...I don`t see why we don`t support the people living in our own community. The homeless..the whoever, artists, musicians, students, etc. I want a world where war is the very last option out of many. That our troops could come home this year. I world that takes better care of it`s enviornment. Cigarettes that are actually great for your body. Or just have them never made ever again. A world where food doesn`t have any artifical anything in it. And even though hate and all those negative things that are in the world, will be around. There`s hope for humanity...there`s a better tomorrow awaiting us.
I just want a good god damn book. And a full life.
Get outside. Pay it forward. Love who you are.
muffins with icing on top.
Honestly,
I've thought about posting a blog that wasn't so....how do I describe it? Heavy. You know...deep and sometimes sad. I was thinking of going on a rant about how yummy cupcakes are. And then I'd explain that they're just the same as cake and a muffin. But we all know this. Who doesn't love cupcakes?! They are freaking delicious ! You can get them in all different sizes, combinations, icing, etc. And you can get them gluten free...well you know all the combinations, right? SO there. I went on a little rant about cupcakes. I feel as if I also gave you a taste of comic relief in there. And not so heavy. Go have a cupcake. Treat yourself. You deserve it. Cheat day ! Cheat day ! Cheat day !
P.s Since my laptop wouldnt let me publish this a week ago( I'm using my dads computer while he's at work). I'll post another blog today ASAP.
I've thought about posting a blog that wasn't so....how do I describe it? Heavy. You know...deep and sometimes sad. I was thinking of going on a rant about how yummy cupcakes are. And then I'd explain that they're just the same as cake and a muffin. But we all know this. Who doesn't love cupcakes?! They are freaking delicious ! You can get them in all different sizes, combinations, icing, etc. And you can get them gluten free...well you know all the combinations, right? SO there. I went on a little rant about cupcakes. I feel as if I also gave you a taste of comic relief in there. And not so heavy. Go have a cupcake. Treat yourself. You deserve it. Cheat day ! Cheat day ! Cheat day !
P.s Since my laptop wouldnt let me publish this a week ago( I'm using my dads computer while he's at work). I'll post another blog today ASAP.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
connected to the sound.
Honestly,
Everyone has their own battles, journeys, and adventures. No one person is the same, and it would be a bit boring if we all were. So I have no problem talking about my past, present or future. And lately I've been reflecting lots and lots about my past. Nothing bad. Just how I got to where I am. And all the obstacles, self discoveries etc.
One of the many hurdles I have come to climb over with time, was being diagnosed with mild Central Auditory Processing Disorder. It's a learning disorder. This is where my ears ( one is better then the other) don't connect well with my brain. So, my headphones have a fray wire and my brain sometimes hears and only concentrates on the fuzziness and not the sound. Which is not what the brain should be concentrating. To understand the sound, it has to be completely focused.
You could imagine what school was like for me. Missing out on something that the teacher said and thus not understanding an important part to a problem, for an example. However, technology has progressed enough to give me a little, spy like ear piece, and the teacher a fm system with a microphone. This was so what he/ she was saying connects 100 % to my brain. So I can fully understand. Man, that little ear piece made me look so cool. And saved my parents money on a tutor ( who was great) ever since grade 3 to grade 8. I even went to a learning center before that.
Sometimes school was frustrating, when I didn't get something, or when I had so much homework that it was all overwhelming. But I kept pushing through. I didn't want, what I had to define me. I didn't want special treatment, but I needed it. Some of the symptoms of this is being unorganized, forgetting, unfocused, etc. Which I was. However, since I know what I have. It made it easier to overcome. Thanks to my super duper clean mom, I'm always organized. And since I'm still a bit forgetful, I constantly remind myself, write things down, or keep a calendar etc. The forgetfulness sucked in college when paired with procrastination ( a bad habit I picked up). I didn't think I needed the extra help in lectures because sometimes we'd be in a lecture hall. At Sheridan College at the Trafalgar campus, rooms where equipped nicely with microphones and speakers. Teachers spoke clearly and loudly. Students where there on their own bill or their parents, so they had to focus and shut up. If there was the "class clown" he/she didn't last long in the course. Early Childhood Education was also something I was very interested in at an early age. I'm lucky to know what or who I wanted to be when I grew up.
As for being unfocused, hell. Facebook didn't help matters. I could just sit there for the whole class, lurk facebook, and have a bunch of windows opened at once. However, it isn't facebook's fault. Like I said, I procrastinated. It wasn't CAPD, It was my own damn fault. Which resulted in fair punishment, prohibition, and failing two classes. And I made up all my courses of course. But it sucked not graduating with my class. Although, now I'm scared to procrastinate too much.
What made things better for me growing up was that I didn't get bullied for being different. There were awesome perks of over hearing teachers yell at kids in the hall and hearing those kids ( class clowns) cry. I know that sounds mean. But it was kinda funny. They were boys. crying. For getting in trouble. So I'm lucky I wasn't picked on. I was though pretty hard on myself to fit in that much more. I did care what people thought or felt. And I guess I tried over compensating like pretending to be good at gym or drama. And no offense but it really ain't that hard to do well in those subjects. Well, ok...Drama class pushed me to be myself and be ok with that.
The drama teacher always said in high school: "Just remember we aren't laughing at you. But your character." And it didn't click and set in until after I totally sucked at that class. I mean hey! It was a blast! I felt like I could be myself and they'd only laugh at my "character". After that experience (grade 9) I totally left my sheltered cage. I was more myself, energetic, happy, obnoxious, crazy, weird and a bit of a rebel. Only in the sense that I believed I was an awesome person. So, in return my confidence was boosted. I participated more in class, listened and took better notes and care of them. I tried. hard. And I never failed a high school class. I barely skipped. Even when some kids skipped school mass. Ya, I went to a catholic high school, with uniforms and all. I ditched the fm system and ear piece in grade 10. I made friends with the resources teachers, and they still helped me a little when the teacher was busy. They are saints. In addition, academically everything was working out for me. I didn't want to stand out...I wanted to blend in. I guess I did.
Then literally I did. And didn't like it. For most of grade 11 and 12 I was a bit of a loner. But when one of your friends tells you that "You're to ugly to get a boyfriend." I guess I bullied myself. You see. CAPD is also linked to other mild/minor genetic disorders. Not to long after my first diagnosis, I was diagnosed with etcodermial dysplasia and another really large word that relates to gentics. My dentist noticed my predominate bottom jaw, and that I had baby teeth still. At..what was it...13 or 14. So ectodermal dysplasia on the whole, is missing teeth (14), thin hair, nails don't grow that fast or hair, decreased sweat glands etc. (source:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002440/)
So, with that being said. My hair back then was uncontrollable. It couldn't make up it's mind. It was curly, kinky, straight and frizzy. I had glasses (then eye contacts) and I didn't sweat much. Still don't. Braces in grade 11. And remember? I cared what people thought. I cared what I looked like. When my ex friend said that to me, I believed her. In grade 11 and 12, however, I said "fuck it!". I'm awesome just the way I am and if no one can handle it, then they can fuck the fuck fuck off. I had this huge crush on the tight end of the senior football team. I even asked him to the winter semi formal. His friend tried to tell me he had a girlfriend. But I knew he was trying to get out of dancing with me because of what his friends would think. Although, he did write me a nice facebook message saying "You're different. And thats cool. You're a great girl.."which helped. I mean he was so hot. Now...who knows. I moved on. But I liked him and went around it the wrong way. I was trying to be "cool" and pretend to be their friends. I tried way to hard. And mom says, "If he doesn't make the effort to talk to you..then he's not into you." So I took that and ran with it. Mom's wise.
I moved on from being so hard on myself. I accepted who I am and that I had a learning disorder and some messed up genetics. Hey! it's all good. I turned out not to shabby! Really, it helped that everyone was so supportive of me then. I still have some great friends from elementary school, and a great boyfriend. He was bullied. He's my hero.
I had my braces for 4 years.
I then had jaw surgery. Where they broke both jaws and reformatted them to fit better.
I got some baby teeth pulled out, and posts for fake teeth to go on.
I had minor surgery where bone graft screws started to stick out of my gums on the upper jaw. I went through my ortho-surgeon freezing my mouth, cutting my gum open, putting all his weight on the screw driver, and twisting the screw out of me. All that three times. Hey. It's not bad when they freeze your mouth. Can't feel a thing. But I was fully aware of what he was doing. Then again. If i could go through eating out of a syringe when my jaw was wired shut after jaw surgery. I could do anything. Thank you mom for high pain tolerance!
I got temporary dentures so it looks like i got a full mouth of sparkly teeth. But really, i have gaps, and posts. And now my mouth is all healed up and ready for posts to go on the top of my mouth (surgeries this march 20th). I get to be on a liquid diet, doctors orders. Ice cream and soup! I need some more bone ( bone grafts) on my bottoms, and a couple posts need to be replaced cause they didn't catch onto the bone. Even then, after all this, a possible gum surgery on my tops, and veneers. Crazy right.
I always get: Why go through all that? Don't you think you look pretty enough as it is? Well. If you had the option and finances. (also apart of the cleft and palate program at sick kids) Then ya, I'd not pass up that option. And it's not about looks really. I'm going to be 60 with an amazing smile!
It's interesting when people tell me they need their wisdom teeth out. How painful it was etc. I always say, "I wish I actually had wisdom teeth..." as a joke. But hey, I don't regret a single thing. This whole process really did help with my self confidence and self esteem. Not that it was terribly low. Just...makes you appreciate things. Be grateful. Lucky. Love myself. enjoy life and what it has to offer. Until the dreadful day I'll have to replace my fake teeth with new ones in 12 years...per tooth...ridiculou! Hopefully my hubby and I get good benefits haha. Anyways...
I tried reaching out. A little sad about the 0 emails. But maybe I lost focus on what this is about. I'm doin this for me. Meh, I tried. However, if you do want to share with me your experiences, you know where to reach me.
I smell scallop potatoes.
FAREWELL DUDES xoxox
Everyone has their own battles, journeys, and adventures. No one person is the same, and it would be a bit boring if we all were. So I have no problem talking about my past, present or future. And lately I've been reflecting lots and lots about my past. Nothing bad. Just how I got to where I am. And all the obstacles, self discoveries etc.
One of the many hurdles I have come to climb over with time, was being diagnosed with mild Central Auditory Processing Disorder. It's a learning disorder. This is where my ears ( one is better then the other) don't connect well with my brain. So, my headphones have a fray wire and my brain sometimes hears and only concentrates on the fuzziness and not the sound. Which is not what the brain should be concentrating. To understand the sound, it has to be completely focused.
You could imagine what school was like for me. Missing out on something that the teacher said and thus not understanding an important part to a problem, for an example. However, technology has progressed enough to give me a little, spy like ear piece, and the teacher a fm system with a microphone. This was so what he/ she was saying connects 100 % to my brain. So I can fully understand. Man, that little ear piece made me look so cool. And saved my parents money on a tutor ( who was great) ever since grade 3 to grade 8. I even went to a learning center before that.
Sometimes school was frustrating, when I didn't get something, or when I had so much homework that it was all overwhelming. But I kept pushing through. I didn't want, what I had to define me. I didn't want special treatment, but I needed it. Some of the symptoms of this is being unorganized, forgetting, unfocused, etc. Which I was. However, since I know what I have. It made it easier to overcome. Thanks to my super duper clean mom, I'm always organized. And since I'm still a bit forgetful, I constantly remind myself, write things down, or keep a calendar etc. The forgetfulness sucked in college when paired with procrastination ( a bad habit I picked up). I didn't think I needed the extra help in lectures because sometimes we'd be in a lecture hall. At Sheridan College at the Trafalgar campus, rooms where equipped nicely with microphones and speakers. Teachers spoke clearly and loudly. Students where there on their own bill or their parents, so they had to focus and shut up. If there was the "class clown" he/she didn't last long in the course. Early Childhood Education was also something I was very interested in at an early age. I'm lucky to know what or who I wanted to be when I grew up.
As for being unfocused, hell. Facebook didn't help matters. I could just sit there for the whole class, lurk facebook, and have a bunch of windows opened at once. However, it isn't facebook's fault. Like I said, I procrastinated. It wasn't CAPD, It was my own damn fault. Which resulted in fair punishment, prohibition, and failing two classes. And I made up all my courses of course. But it sucked not graduating with my class. Although, now I'm scared to procrastinate too much.
What made things better for me growing up was that I didn't get bullied for being different. There were awesome perks of over hearing teachers yell at kids in the hall and hearing those kids ( class clowns) cry. I know that sounds mean. But it was kinda funny. They were boys. crying. For getting in trouble. So I'm lucky I wasn't picked on. I was though pretty hard on myself to fit in that much more. I did care what people thought or felt. And I guess I tried over compensating like pretending to be good at gym or drama. And no offense but it really ain't that hard to do well in those subjects. Well, ok...Drama class pushed me to be myself and be ok with that.
The drama teacher always said in high school: "Just remember we aren't laughing at you. But your character." And it didn't click and set in until after I totally sucked at that class. I mean hey! It was a blast! I felt like I could be myself and they'd only laugh at my "character". After that experience (grade 9) I totally left my sheltered cage. I was more myself, energetic, happy, obnoxious, crazy, weird and a bit of a rebel. Only in the sense that I believed I was an awesome person. So, in return my confidence was boosted. I participated more in class, listened and took better notes and care of them. I tried. hard. And I never failed a high school class. I barely skipped. Even when some kids skipped school mass. Ya, I went to a catholic high school, with uniforms and all. I ditched the fm system and ear piece in grade 10. I made friends with the resources teachers, and they still helped me a little when the teacher was busy. They are saints. In addition, academically everything was working out for me. I didn't want to stand out...I wanted to blend in. I guess I did.
Then literally I did. And didn't like it. For most of grade 11 and 12 I was a bit of a loner. But when one of your friends tells you that "You're to ugly to get a boyfriend." I guess I bullied myself. You see. CAPD is also linked to other mild/minor genetic disorders. Not to long after my first diagnosis, I was diagnosed with etcodermial dysplasia and another really large word that relates to gentics. My dentist noticed my predominate bottom jaw, and that I had baby teeth still. At..what was it...13 or 14. So ectodermal dysplasia on the whole, is missing teeth (14), thin hair, nails don't grow that fast or hair, decreased sweat glands etc. (source:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002440/)
So, with that being said. My hair back then was uncontrollable. It couldn't make up it's mind. It was curly, kinky, straight and frizzy. I had glasses (then eye contacts) and I didn't sweat much. Still don't. Braces in grade 11. And remember? I cared what people thought. I cared what I looked like. When my ex friend said that to me, I believed her. In grade 11 and 12, however, I said "fuck it!". I'm awesome just the way I am and if no one can handle it, then they can fuck the fuck fuck off. I had this huge crush on the tight end of the senior football team. I even asked him to the winter semi formal. His friend tried to tell me he had a girlfriend. But I knew he was trying to get out of dancing with me because of what his friends would think. Although, he did write me a nice facebook message saying "You're different. And thats cool. You're a great girl.."which helped. I mean he was so hot. Now...who knows. I moved on. But I liked him and went around it the wrong way. I was trying to be "cool" and pretend to be their friends. I tried way to hard. And mom says, "If he doesn't make the effort to talk to you..then he's not into you." So I took that and ran with it. Mom's wise.
I moved on from being so hard on myself. I accepted who I am and that I had a learning disorder and some messed up genetics. Hey! it's all good. I turned out not to shabby! Really, it helped that everyone was so supportive of me then. I still have some great friends from elementary school, and a great boyfriend. He was bullied. He's my hero.
I had my braces for 4 years.
I then had jaw surgery. Where they broke both jaws and reformatted them to fit better.
I got some baby teeth pulled out, and posts for fake teeth to go on.
I had minor surgery where bone graft screws started to stick out of my gums on the upper jaw. I went through my ortho-surgeon freezing my mouth, cutting my gum open, putting all his weight on the screw driver, and twisting the screw out of me. All that three times. Hey. It's not bad when they freeze your mouth. Can't feel a thing. But I was fully aware of what he was doing. Then again. If i could go through eating out of a syringe when my jaw was wired shut after jaw surgery. I could do anything. Thank you mom for high pain tolerance!
I got temporary dentures so it looks like i got a full mouth of sparkly teeth. But really, i have gaps, and posts. And now my mouth is all healed up and ready for posts to go on the top of my mouth (surgeries this march 20th). I get to be on a liquid diet, doctors orders. Ice cream and soup! I need some more bone ( bone grafts) on my bottoms, and a couple posts need to be replaced cause they didn't catch onto the bone. Even then, after all this, a possible gum surgery on my tops, and veneers. Crazy right.
I always get: Why go through all that? Don't you think you look pretty enough as it is? Well. If you had the option and finances. (also apart of the cleft and palate program at sick kids) Then ya, I'd not pass up that option. And it's not about looks really. I'm going to be 60 with an amazing smile!
It's interesting when people tell me they need their wisdom teeth out. How painful it was etc. I always say, "I wish I actually had wisdom teeth..." as a joke. But hey, I don't regret a single thing. This whole process really did help with my self confidence and self esteem. Not that it was terribly low. Just...makes you appreciate things. Be grateful. Lucky. Love myself. enjoy life and what it has to offer. Until the dreadful day I'll have to replace my fake teeth with new ones in 12 years...per tooth...ridiculou! Hopefully my hubby and I get good benefits haha. Anyways...
I tried reaching out. A little sad about the 0 emails. But maybe I lost focus on what this is about. I'm doin this for me. Meh, I tried. However, if you do want to share with me your experiences, you know where to reach me.
I smell scallop potatoes.
FAREWELL DUDES xoxox
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Reaching out.
Honestly,
If you ( my readers) ever need someone to vent to. Or share a laugh, small chat etc. It will be totally a mystery. I don't need to know any personal information, i.e. Where you are from, age, sex, etc. All I would know is your email address. Just write me an email or write me anything your heart desires. It doesn't need to be serious at all.
So this is me reaching out. I'm here if you need me. And if you don't that's cool. I really would love to hear from you all. And I'm a pretty dedicated person so I won't have an issue getting back to you in a timely manor.
I think this could be the start of something great.
My email: honestlyshantheblogger@hotmail.com
stay beauts.
honestly shan
xoxox
:)
If you ( my readers) ever need someone to vent to. Or share a laugh, small chat etc. It will be totally a mystery. I don't need to know any personal information, i.e. Where you are from, age, sex, etc. All I would know is your email address. Just write me an email or write me anything your heart desires. It doesn't need to be serious at all.
So this is me reaching out. I'm here if you need me. And if you don't that's cool. I really would love to hear from you all. And I'm a pretty dedicated person so I won't have an issue getting back to you in a timely manor.
I think this could be the start of something great.
My email: honestlyshantheblogger@hotmail.com
stay beauts.
honestly shan
xoxox
:)
Friday, March 1, 2013
it's time.
Honestly,
I think, it's time to tell you, how I became who I am today. I'm all about life in this moment. So here it goes:
At a young age, I developed a strong bond with my mom. There was no topic off bounds ( I asked about everything), I could tell her all my secrets, gossip, and pat my tears in her arms. I knew, that this person is my rock. She is the foundation to which other rocks can form over and build. Thus, our relationship is pretty solid. I mean, I went through a seventeen year old stage where things were a bit rocky. Man, I'm on a rolllllll todaaaaaay!
So, seriously. I recommend, no matter how old you are reading this. That you talk to your mom. No matter what. And because of that relationship, I feel like I make the same bonds and relationships with other people. It's open, honest, non judgmental, unconditional, and caring.
Unfortunately, I'm human. And not a superhero that my mind leads me to believe. I make mistakes, bad decisions, and so forth. I gotta learn somehow. I've made the wrong kind of friends who knew they could use me because I'm a people person. Then I cared soo much how people felt towards me. I didn't care if they were Led Zep or the devil, I just wanted them to like me, so I did good Samaritan acts for them. Like drive, everywhere. Pitch in, all the time. Be stupid messenger for petty high school fights between friends.
In lots of areas of my life, I lost myself on whatever path I was on. Which isn't bad. I learned a lot, even from my mom, whom was mostly right about things I was stubborn about. Remember that guy I fooled around with who had a gf? Well...she was right about him. So was my guy friend who told me "He only like chicks he can fuck?". And when I didnt hear from said person...it clicked. If only I just listened like my mom did when I was young. She knew. She knew what I was going through. And she listened anyways.
So I have my mom and dad to thank for lots of times they grabbed my hand and or sat me down and told me to "get my shit together." And so, I did. I'm thankful I did. That extra push lead me to my now happy life, happy relationships that aren't easy, and growing, happy self. The way they raised me had some holes, but when I'm a mom, I'll patch those up for my kids. I know they love each other, and want us to be a family. They have marriage issues, but so does everyones parents.
When I finally followed my heart, it lead me to let go of control. I let my close friend of 2.5 years kiss me. I hesitated at first being caught in a "what if it doesn't work" scenario. I am a girl remember, we just always over think. And then I let go of that. Really, this was his moment. A very very shy man, admitted he had feelings for me ( not to long ago before the kiss) and that took a lot out of him to do. This is his moment, and although he wants to share it with me. I found myself with no thoughts just....fireworks. I liked him as a friend, then as a person, and somehow without myself really knowing, I let him in and gave him my trust. Something that was pretty beaten up over a long period of time. So, the foundation now has a few good layers to it. And this amazing boyfriend of mine has the final layer. Also, without even knowing, he smashed all of my walls down. Almost like, from the inside, which one on bothered trying. Inception worthy...or something awesome. And now that I believe "there's really something great here," i know there is. Naturally, i've grown to be quite fond of him. And I kinda miss being in his arms right about now.
Being open, honest, go with the flow, and shameless. Took...time. I changed slowly over the years but more dramatically over the past year and a half. I kept the people I love closer and the negative people at a far distance. I truly began to love myself. Even after being told in high school that I'm too ugly to get a boyfriend. That happened once. And once was enough for me to never forget. It's like. A first boyfriend. And I'll leave it at that. I let go of caring about what people thought or felt towards me. Said, "Fuck them" to whoever dared judged me or called me something I'm not. I stopped letting people walk all over me. And found someone who wanted to TRULY do things for me because he wants to not because he needs to. I opened my eyes to a world that's a bit more happy, relaxed, and exciting. Then staying at home all day and night...and over think my past. I let it all go. I let myself finally out for the world to see.
I've gotten out of some dark holes in the past. obviously, i'm a young lady and I can't rely on others ( all the time) or my parents to pull me out of them. I've been on a long journey of self discovery and a couple times I've had some melt downs.
However, I know how strong I am. That I'm loved. Cared for. Thought about. Wanted. Needed. And enough for whoever.
I can say that life's a battle and sometimes you gotta get through it guns blazing. When I was at my low, there was always a light the size of a pin hole tellin me to keep it together. Keep walking. So I did. I know this may sound cocky and overly confident. Even narcissistic. But...I don't care. I know that if I weren't to wake up tomorrow. I'd be missed. I wouldn't want to miss a day without hugging and kissing my boyfriend. or chattin with my parents. hanging out with my friends. So I'm lucky I turned out pretty great. And I got the stories to prove it.
I just wish. and share my voice. and be heard. That mental health should be talked about more. Awareness is key. There are people suffering and they don't even know what step to take next. I advise you to take a step...any step. and not take your life. To talk to your doctor. mom. dad. sister. uncle. grandma. anyone. There's a kids help line open 24/7. Social media. People willing to help. And to be clear. People with mental health problems aren't bad people. Often all it takes is an intervention, an individualized life plan etc, support, and guidance. Be that support. Be there...no matter what.
with that being said. I am under deep consideration of creating an e-mail account for questions and answer purposes. Serious or not. I'd try to get back on a timely manor. But...I won't set up an account unless my audience is behind me. So leave a comment or share this blog post. And depending on the response then well anything is possible.
Have yourselves a splendid night. Imma get back to this song...
Be in my eyes....be in my heart...be in my eyes ay ay ayiyayay...be in my heart...
Challenge: ( name the artist, song, band, album?) ^^^
(( I know you will cheat !!!)) G'night.
I think, it's time to tell you, how I became who I am today. I'm all about life in this moment. So here it goes:
At a young age, I developed a strong bond with my mom. There was no topic off bounds ( I asked about everything), I could tell her all my secrets, gossip, and pat my tears in her arms. I knew, that this person is my rock. She is the foundation to which other rocks can form over and build. Thus, our relationship is pretty solid. I mean, I went through a seventeen year old stage where things were a bit rocky. Man, I'm on a rolllllll todaaaaaay!
So, seriously. I recommend, no matter how old you are reading this. That you talk to your mom. No matter what. And because of that relationship, I feel like I make the same bonds and relationships with other people. It's open, honest, non judgmental, unconditional, and caring.
Unfortunately, I'm human. And not a superhero that my mind leads me to believe. I make mistakes, bad decisions, and so forth. I gotta learn somehow. I've made the wrong kind of friends who knew they could use me because I'm a people person. Then I cared soo much how people felt towards me. I didn't care if they were Led Zep or the devil, I just wanted them to like me, so I did good Samaritan acts for them. Like drive, everywhere. Pitch in, all the time. Be stupid messenger for petty high school fights between friends.
In lots of areas of my life, I lost myself on whatever path I was on. Which isn't bad. I learned a lot, even from my mom, whom was mostly right about things I was stubborn about. Remember that guy I fooled around with who had a gf? Well...she was right about him. So was my guy friend who told me "He only like chicks he can fuck?". And when I didnt hear from said person...it clicked. If only I just listened like my mom did when I was young. She knew. She knew what I was going through. And she listened anyways.
So I have my mom and dad to thank for lots of times they grabbed my hand and or sat me down and told me to "get my shit together." And so, I did. I'm thankful I did. That extra push lead me to my now happy life, happy relationships that aren't easy, and growing, happy self. The way they raised me had some holes, but when I'm a mom, I'll patch those up for my kids. I know they love each other, and want us to be a family. They have marriage issues, but so does everyones parents.
When I finally followed my heart, it lead me to let go of control. I let my close friend of 2.5 years kiss me. I hesitated at first being caught in a "what if it doesn't work" scenario. I am a girl remember, we just always over think. And then I let go of that. Really, this was his moment. A very very shy man, admitted he had feelings for me ( not to long ago before the kiss) and that took a lot out of him to do. This is his moment, and although he wants to share it with me. I found myself with no thoughts just....fireworks. I liked him as a friend, then as a person, and somehow without myself really knowing, I let him in and gave him my trust. Something that was pretty beaten up over a long period of time. So, the foundation now has a few good layers to it. And this amazing boyfriend of mine has the final layer. Also, without even knowing, he smashed all of my walls down. Almost like, from the inside, which one on bothered trying. Inception worthy...or something awesome. And now that I believe "there's really something great here," i know there is. Naturally, i've grown to be quite fond of him. And I kinda miss being in his arms right about now.
Being open, honest, go with the flow, and shameless. Took...time. I changed slowly over the years but more dramatically over the past year and a half. I kept the people I love closer and the negative people at a far distance. I truly began to love myself. Even after being told in high school that I'm too ugly to get a boyfriend. That happened once. And once was enough for me to never forget. It's like. A first boyfriend. And I'll leave it at that. I let go of caring about what people thought or felt towards me. Said, "Fuck them" to whoever dared judged me or called me something I'm not. I stopped letting people walk all over me. And found someone who wanted to TRULY do things for me because he wants to not because he needs to. I opened my eyes to a world that's a bit more happy, relaxed, and exciting. Then staying at home all day and night...and over think my past. I let it all go. I let myself finally out for the world to see.
I've gotten out of some dark holes in the past. obviously, i'm a young lady and I can't rely on others ( all the time) or my parents to pull me out of them. I've been on a long journey of self discovery and a couple times I've had some melt downs.
However, I know how strong I am. That I'm loved. Cared for. Thought about. Wanted. Needed. And enough for whoever.
I can say that life's a battle and sometimes you gotta get through it guns blazing. When I was at my low, there was always a light the size of a pin hole tellin me to keep it together. Keep walking. So I did. I know this may sound cocky and overly confident. Even narcissistic. But...I don't care. I know that if I weren't to wake up tomorrow. I'd be missed. I wouldn't want to miss a day without hugging and kissing my boyfriend. or chattin with my parents. hanging out with my friends. So I'm lucky I turned out pretty great. And I got the stories to prove it.
I just wish. and share my voice. and be heard. That mental health should be talked about more. Awareness is key. There are people suffering and they don't even know what step to take next. I advise you to take a step...any step. and not take your life. To talk to your doctor. mom. dad. sister. uncle. grandma. anyone. There's a kids help line open 24/7. Social media. People willing to help. And to be clear. People with mental health problems aren't bad people. Often all it takes is an intervention, an individualized life plan etc, support, and guidance. Be that support. Be there...no matter what.
with that being said. I am under deep consideration of creating an e-mail account for questions and answer purposes. Serious or not. I'd try to get back on a timely manor. But...I won't set up an account unless my audience is behind me. So leave a comment or share this blog post. And depending on the response then well anything is possible.
Have yourselves a splendid night. Imma get back to this song...
Be in my eyes....be in my heart...be in my eyes ay ay ayiyayay...be in my heart...
Challenge: ( name the artist, song, band, album?) ^^^
(( I know you will cheat !!!)) G'night.
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